This is my thumb, the thumb of destruction. While it appears to be like any regular thumb, my thumb has amazing capabilities that the average thumb just could not fathom to accomplish. This thumb can kill any plant within a 100 yard radius with just a slight flick in its direction. As you can see, this thumb is not green and even the black shroud of deadly garden thumbs is afraid to color this mass weapon of destruction. Garden Gnomes cower in its presence and plastic flamingos are known to take miraculous flight to avoid the Thumb's unrestrained annihilation of the surrounding landscape. This Thumb knows no boundaries and previous attempts at harnessing its powers have proven futile.
Yet, in all this destruction and despair there is one thing that manages to not only live in the presence of the Thumb, but actually thrives in spite of all attempts both intentional and unintentional to thwart it...WEEDS!
Yes, I can manage to kill your everyday lawn grass but the weed population in my garden manages to continually expand even in light of my continued use of Round-Up, weed and feed sprays, pellets and such and the numerous attempts I have made to yank these little devils out by their roots! It appears that not only do the existing weeds laugh in the face of my attempts, but there must be an underground communications system that alerts all the weeds in the neighborhood that my yard is an ultimate weed utopia. Just when I think there couldn't be another weed that I have not encountered, a new one appears from out of no where! Weeds are not only thriving in my yard, but they are cross breeding to make the preeminent weed of destruction.
As I knelt in my garden last night, yanking weed after weed out of my feeble attempt of a flower bed, I began to wonder...who in their right mind decided that a weed is a weed? Seriously, someone somewhere some long time ago sat in a greenhouse and made the determination that a hearty, drought tolerant plant that does not appear to need fertilizers, food, a precise amount of sun or shade or any other high maintenance requirements is not only unneeded but unwanted in a civilized garden. What friggin' idiot came to that conclusion? I don't have to do a dang thing to my weeds and they not only survive but thrive! But if I even make an attempt to purchase, replant and grow what has been deemed an appropriate garden plant I am faced with the daunting tasks of supplying the proper soil, nutrition and special handling in hopes that the delicate bloom will survive the trauma that is experienced while it is replanted. I don't know about your success rate with this task, but mine is well under 50/50. More like 90/10...meaning 10% actually make it out alive!
Meanwhile, a weed can be yanked out by its root, thrown across the yard onto a concrete slab, and it will find a way to take root and keep on growing. Simultaneously, the infinitesimal weed root that was left deep in the soil will shortly reach for the sky and another weed will appear to take the previous inhabitants space. These weeds do not know what weakness is. They show no fear and march on in their quest for garden domination!
Therefore, I am making this proclamation and I hope that all other members of the Thumbs of Destruction community will join me...Weeds are GOOD! Weeds should no longer be looked at as the evil intruder, but the welcomed guest. We should abandon the long hours, money and resources to nurture the so called "popular" plants and instead embrace the simplicity and understated beauty of the Weed. It is long overdue that weeds have their time in the sun, so to speak, and we appreciate them for their hearty dispositions and eagerness to grow and flourish. If we band together we can "thumb" our Thumbs of Destruction at the establishment and no longer be slaves to the silly "norm". Think about the freedom of time and money when you are no longer spending weekends at Home Depot, clunking down hundreds of dollars, paying exorbitant water bills and cowering before your HOA!
We can do this people! Let Weeds set you free! Are you with me?
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