Notes to self and other random thoughts...

These are a few of life’s mysteries, facts and fictions that are clouding my mind lately.

·        Men can’t fold ANYTHING. I have watched my husband and I fold the same towel, using the same motions and one comes out neat and straight and the other one, not so much.

·        Musical instruments cost a FORTUNE. The clarinet we just “rented” for our daughter cost more than my first car!

·        Football is not for wimps. I know this one seems a no brainer, but you would be amazed at the kids on my son’s pee wee tackle football league. Seriously, if your kid cries over small bumps and trips he is not going to fair well when that 100 pound second grader with an attitude comes running at him with the intent of bodily harm.

·        Money disappears. ‘Nuff said.

·        Laundry appears from nowhere.

·        When you want a project done it will not seem like it will be that hard, meanwhile, to your spouse who is dragged into helping with said project will KNOW it is the hardest project you have ever devised.

·        Spouse will cave in and do any project when you threaten to hire someone to do it. (Deep down he knew all along it wasn’t going to be THAT hard).

·        Wanting to grow something in your garden is a noble and rewarding task, but it doesn’t change that fact that you not only have a black thumb but all your fingers and even toes are as black as coal.

·        Women can justify just about anything.

·        Really smart women can make it so they don’t need to justify it, but instead are just going along with and supporting someone else’s brilliant idea that they themselves aren’t sure where the idea came from!

·        There are not enough acceptable cocktail hours.

·        Toys that make noise should be outlawed. Even more so, the ones that do make noise that you give your child permission to take into the bathtub in hopes that it will cease that incessant chatter only to come back alive at precisely midnight and scare the living shit out of you, should include the phone number of the inventor so you can call them to scream bloody murder at them at midnight because if you are wide awake then by God, so should they!

·        There is never enough time.

·        Love makes the world go around and sometimes you just need to get off the ride for a while.

·        Family is the greatest joy and the root to all evil.

·        Money really does disappear…without a trace.

·        If you are calling me to sell something it would be in your best interest to have a live person that can actually respond in a timely manner when I say “hello” and not some computer animated douche bag that I can very easily hang up on without a miniscule amount of remorse.

·        If you are calling me to donate to your worthy cause be forewarned, guilt does not work on me because I was raised on guilt and am sufficiently immune.

·        Houses make the strangest noises when you are all alone.

·        If it doesn’t have fur it has no business being a pet.

·        Good books are worth every dime.

·        Good books borrowed from a friend means more money you can spend on the bottle of wine you can share.

·        Book clubs are women’s way of getting together, talking crap and drinking wine with really good friends. I REALLY NEED A BOOK CLUB!!

·        A clear head is a breeding ground for insane ideas.

·        I have the best insane ideas.