Love

Love comes in a million shapes and sizes. It appears when we least expect it and disappears in the same fashion. It is fluid and ever changing, challenging, easy, rewarding, enlightening, devastating and crippling. Research has proven time and again that we can not live without it, yet our natural human defenses continually push it away. It is the greatest wonder of the world but we continually stumble to define what it should be and place unnecessary restraints on it. Love is a gift and therefore you should accept it graciously, treasure it, take care of it and it is the only gift that it is completely acceptable to re-gift!

As I get older I have definitely become more cynical and love doesn't come as easy and carefree as it did in my youth. I watch my daughter with her friends and the laughter and hugs they share are pure and untainted and I have to remind myself that at one point in my life, love was that easy for me too. My trips around the proverbial block have left their marks on me, some meer surface wounds and others deep gaping gashes that occasionally flare up and cause a bit of pain. The saying that time heals all wounds is really quite accurate but what they forget to tell you is that in the mean time additional wounds can and usually do occur. We are never fully healed. We are never fully whole.

I have also learned that a true love is different for everyone. What I love about my husband or my family might drive another insane. Does this make those things wrong? For me, no, for others, maybe. Could someone else love me like my husband does? No. We have our own unique things that we share that I would never be able to share with another. Our past shapes our love the same as our goals and desires for the future. We are better for the hurts and pains we have caused each other. We have been to rock bottom and fought our way out and we have learned that while we are fine and capable individuals, we are truly better people with each other.

I would say that all of my friends also share that kind of love, but some of them just don't know it yet. Some might never know it and others might walk away from it out of fear, ignorance, exhaustion or many other things that just seem unsurvivable. They all have their struggles and as an observer it is amazing to see them bond together when the going gets rough. Their love is deep and the surface battles they might be facing often robs them of the everyday simple pleasures that remind them of their love. Although, deep down those adversities are feeding their love, strengthening their bonds and solidifying their commitment to each other. If they can just make it to the other side I firmly believe that true love never dies, it just gets lost and you have to be willing to hunt for it.

Love's greatest enemy is time. We are a society of instant gratification mongers and we unnecessarily place unrealistic restraints on love. "If he doesn't call me by 3 we are done". "We haven't had time together for months and I am over it." "I just don't have time for this crap". Oh, we have all uttered those words but when you are talking about a life long love, does a 3 hour, 3 day, 3 month or even 3 year deadline seem fair? If you have the intention of spending a lifetime with someone the first thing you need to get rid of is the pressure of doing things on a set time line. Life happens and it almost NEVER happens when it is convenient. You have to adapt, adjust and let things run their course. It isn't going to happen on a strict timeline. Let it go. Keep working toward your goals, but don't put unnecessary road blocks like time restraints in your path.

Love isn't cheap! I do not mean in the monetary sense, but in the fact that it is constantly needing something to keep it going. It could be something as little as a well timed smile, holding a hand when they need it the most or buying their favorite fruit even though it is out of season and ridiculously expensive. While grand gestures are fun and rewarding those usually aren't the things you remember the most. I will never forget the look on my husband's face when he first saw me in my wedding dress. When I was fighting with the insurance company on our home claim and he dropped everything to just listen in on the conference call just in case I needed him. When we are having an ice cream craving and he offers to go to the store because it is 10 o'clock at night and I am in my jammies. When he rough houses with our son and helps our daughter with her math homework because these are just things I am not good at. Those are the things that I remember. Those are the things that feed our love and touch my soul. Those are at the core of why I love him.

Love is a gift. Treasure it and then gift it back. Today.