When I speak of pain I am talking about the just got hit by a semi truck and the SOB threw that monster in reverse and nailed me a few more times just for good measure. Between the lack of sleep, being up on my feet almost the entire weekend and a roller coaster ride from hell, the only thing I wanted to do today was pull up the covers and pretend that this Monday morning never existed. But noooooo, instead I forgot I said I would work today, what the heck was I thinking?
As I stood under the scorching heat of the shower spray this morning I felt old for the first time since I turned 4o this past summer. Up until this moment I really haven't felt old. I have felt older, like in the I can't drink like I used to and I really need to get some more sleep kind of older, but today I am OLD. My back is killing me, my head hurts and I am pretty sure I am catching a cold. What makes this even more pathetic is that I was asleep by 8:15 last night and I still feel like this today!
I even want to regurgitate tried and true old people phrases like "turn the music down" and throw in a "that crap isn't music anyway, not like the music from my day" just for good measure. I should of seen this coming when I recently started to watch VH1 Classics...and I not only know all the bands, but can sing along to what they refer to as "Classic Hits". Pretty soon I am going to be telling the neighborhood kids stories that begin, "well, in MY day" and "you kids don't know how good you have it".
I firmly believe that the turning point of my recent aggressive aging process was the family visit to Knott's Berry Farm. Part of my daughter's birthday present was a seasons pass to the amusement park and neighboring water park. I am pretty sure I will NOT live to regret this decision. We visited the park for a few hours, which is one of the perks of season passes to anything, you don't feel the need to stay all day to get your money's worth. My husband and I haven't been to the park in years and this was the first time for both of our kids. It was a pleasant departure from the overwhelming crowds of Disneyland and we were enjoying the day. Then we decided to take one last ride before heading to the car. Big mistake, HUGE, awful, BIG MISTAKE.
In our ignorance we rode the Ghost Rider. Really, how bad could an old fashioned wooden roller coaster be? Well, let me tell you...IT WAS HELL! I literally felt that I had the sense knocked right out of me. The ride was so bumpy and bouncy that my boobs came out of my bra...and I was wearing a sports bra! The ride picture that they so generously take was absolutely hysterical, we all looked completely miserable. From about 15 seconds into the ride I began to pray that the torture would end immediately. By the end of the ride I was manically laughing because I could not believe the sheer pain, discomfort and woozy feelings that the previous 60 seconds created. And I paid good money to feel this crappy!
After our ride from hell we quickly, well as quick as we could manage given our physical incapacitation, evacuated the amusement park for the relative relaxing car ride home on the Southern California freeways. I can genuinely say that our trip home via the 91 freeway was down right pleasant in comparison to some of the rides we had just endured. As the kids happily napped in the backseat, my husband and I compared notes about our recent adventure. "OK, the green one we rode, did you blackout a little at the top?" YES "how about the swing one, feel a little dizzy during?" YES "how about the little one?" HATED IT.
So now we have seasons passes to an amusement park that we are almost positive is going to give our family lasting head trauma and various other ailments. After a 4 hour visit I can honestly say I have absolutely no desire to visit the park again. I am sure the kids will guilt us into another visit, but my OLD self will be kicking and screaming the whole way.
I knew getting older was going to suck...but being OLD has really thrown me for a loop. I am sure in the months to come more "old people" things are going to start creeping their way into my life. I already see the signs...dinners are getting earlier and earlier. It really doesn't seem weird to eat at 4:30 does it? I can rarely sleep in past 5:30 in the morning and I have started doing sudoku puzzles. I wont even mention the unusual places hair has begun to grow, how many reading glasses are floating around the house and the fact I was once know to always be a little chilly and now I am the first to blast the air conditioning at the first sign of a warm day.
Really, what more could happen...don't answer that, I think I want to be surprised!
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